The video has been out a few days now and in it, Banfield puts Katie Way on check about the ugly e-mail she had sent HLN, which is a very credible news source by the way. Watching this video, re-watching this video, reading the partial email Katie Way sent, and reading the blog post she wrote about the “sexual assault” Ansari did(in this case, did not do), reminds me why I’m not a feminist. If you haven’t read the email, you can read it here in full.
All the feminist I’ve met in real life have either been contradictory, full of crap, and/or hypocritical. Obviously I believe in human rights. I believe in womens’ rights and what the womens’ Suffrage movement did for white women. What the civil rights movement did for black women, and I even appreciate what first and second wave feminism did for all women in western society. But I don’t understand this third wave feminism.
There are many things that I don’t agree with in regards to third wave feminism but what gets me the most is the hypocrisy. I dated this one girl who identified as a feminist, and was pretty hardcore on many of her beliefs. From slut shaming to sexual freedom of women to work promotions, just to name a few things she spoke openly about. Well, when things started to get sexual between us, I didn’t want to perform oral sex on her , and she said to me, “If I do it to you then you should do it to me.” I said, “what?” She said, “it’s only fair. Sex is about fairness.” I said, “No, you should want someone to perform oral sex on you because they want to not because it’s fair, not because it’s an obligation.”
Katie Way’s behavior, I’ve seen both on and off line: entitlement. Women are women’s worst enemy. It reminds me of that scene from Mean Girls when Tina Fey’s character said, ‘You girls need to stop calling each other sluts and bitches; it only makes it okay for guys to say it too.‘
Ladies, lack of communication does not equal rape nor sexual assault. Speaking of Katie Way, we also have her blog post that she wrote up about that woman, and her experience with Aziz. When this #metoo broke out, people who were actually guilty of sexual misconduct were called out as they should be: Weinstien, Spacey and others. But now, every one and their mamma is getting called out for petty reasons.
It’s very important that women come forward but we seriously need to stop going to social media, and the press first and not the cops. People say, ‘oh, women are afraid’. We live in the United States, not Saudi Arabia, not South Africa, not Iraq; we have rights in this country and we shouldn’t be afraid to come forward. I said it before, and I’ll say it again. When you file a complaint, you can remain anonymous, you know. And even if nothing comes from it, at least there’s a record building against that person.
When I was 13, I was kissed by a full grown man! I told my mom that same day on the phone, right after it happened. That man was a friend of my mom’s. My mom called the police and filed a report. Nothing came of it then, but a reputation began to grow on him within the community. Of course like they always do, he repeated his actions on another girl, and woman and even a female cop. The man is now in prison because we filed reports on this man, and they eventually caught up with him. If I or any of these girls, or women kept quiet, he’d still be out doing who knows what.
Yes, I’m lucky that I grew up with a mom who taught me what is appropriate and what isn’t. Yes, I am lucky to grown up in a community where the cops cared for it’s residents. But women, we should not be afraid to come forward in the year 2018 in the United States of America. We have a voice now so instead of going to Twitter, go to the police and file a proper report. If the police fail you, and ignore you and others, then yes, it’s time to go to the media.
It’s also important to communicate with people. “Oh I wanted white wine and he gave me red.” Bitch, why didn’t you say something then! This is petty. “He asked for sex, I said no…we went to his apartment.” When they got to the apartment, he asked for oral..they did it. Then he said he was going to get a condom. 1.) If you knew he wanted sex, why did you go with him to his apartment? 2.) When you got there, why did you go along with everything?
This victim, didn’t speak up. Men and women aren’t Gods and Goddesses; we can’t read minds. You have to be able to stand up for yourself and speak! Like that feminist girl, ‘you should go down on me because it’s fair.‘ Bitch, no! No is no! But you gotta say it, and not hope they read your body signals, or attempt to read your mind. You gotta be consistent and be strong. If she would have got up and left and said, “no is no, I’m gonna go”. There, problem solved. But she stayed with a man who thought everything was going good, and she went along with it. We gotta do better, y’all. We have programs that help us if we fear for our lives. We have programs for this so you’re not alone and there is help if you’re raped, or sexually assaulted, so do not be afraid to say no!